Remembering your baby

You could collect keepsakes like your ultrasound scans, hospital bracelets, photos, handwritten letters, your baby's clothes, etc., in a designated box for your baby.

Some hospitals provide memory boxes for you that contain things like two teddy bears (one for you and one for the baby), ink prints, clay prints, and other memory-making items — you're always welcome to bring your own things to add to this.

A charity called 4Louis provides many hospitals with memory boxes and other bereavement resources. If the hospital you are at cannot provide you with a memory box, you are welcome to contact them, and they can help provide you with one.

You could write the name you've chosen for your baby or if you don't have a name, then just baby 'surname', their date of rest/due date and a short meaningful message into the book of remembrance.

Where can you record your baby's dedication?

• Hospital chapels - many NHS hospitals have a 'Babies Book of Remembrance' in their chapel or sanctuary. The hospital should have a bereavement midwife or chaplaincy team who can direct you to this.

• Local council gardens - many local crematoriums and cemeteries have a physical book of remembrance on-site alongside their baby memorial gardens.

Choosing the right keepsake depends on what you find comforting. Some ideas you could do include:

• wearable keepsakes - jewellery featuring their birth stone, angel wings, baby's ashes, baby's hair, baby's initials engraved, etc.

• Ceramic & Glass Tokens - some examples include tealight holders, figurines, heart tokens, etc. 

• Artwork - Custom-made prints featuring something meaningful to you about the baby could be a good idea. Windchimes with angel motifs or forget-me-not flowers could also be a nice tribute.

You can always take photos yourself if you would like to, the midwives and healthcare staff can also assist you with this. You can ask someone else to take the photos and decide later if you wish to see them or keep them if you're not sure at the time you deliver.

There are also professional free specialist photography services you could use, which are provided by charities such as 'Remember My Baby' and 'Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep ', which you can contact, or you can ask a midwife to do it on your behalf who can come and take remembrance photography for you.

You could donate to a charity or organisation of your choice in honour of your baby. If you don't want to spend money, you could just perform simple acts of kindness towards others in honour of your baby. You could do this by volunteering your time to charities you support or helping those around you.

You could write a letter or diary to your baby telling them all about how you feel about them and what has happened. 

You could light a candle in honour of your baby on special dates such as anniversaries, due date or during baby loss awareness week.

You could simply use a tealight or candle you have at home, or you could go to a local church that provides memorial candlelights. There are also some online sites which allow you to light a virtual candle if this is what you'd like.

These stones can be placed in the garden, a special memorial plot, a cemetery, or anywhere you feel is best. You could write on the stone your baby's name, special dates, special messages or poems, etc.

There are different types of stones which can be used, such as natural slate for outdoor placements, resin ornaments, acrylic plaques, etc. You can choose whatever you would like to make into a memorial stone.

You can make the memorial stone yourself, but there are plenty of options out there to buy one and have it custom designed, such as on Etsy or other companies which sell them.

You could plant a tree or flower in honour of your baby. You can plant it in your garden, a plant pot, or somewhere special to you, and you can always move it if you move house.

You can choose a plant special to you, or you could take inspiration from the following:

• Forget-me-not - Symbolises remembrance and baby loss

• Roses - You can find miniature varieties with appropriate names such as 'Little Angel Rose' or 'Sweet Child of Mine Rose'.

• White Lilies - Symbolise peace, innocence, and purity of a child's soul

• White Carnations - Symbolise a mother's undying love, as well as innocence and pure affection

• Use a personalised plant pot or plant marker to honour your baby.

• Potted trees - patio roses, dwarf fruit trees, or Prunus cherry blossom

You can name a star in memory of your lost baby; however, commercial star registries are not recognised by the scientific community, but they still provide a beautiful way to create a lasting legacy.

Ways to name a star:

• Charity In-Memory Skies - offers a dedicated space where you can create a personalised virtual star in memory of your baby. Charities such as Tommy's, Sands and the Miscarriage Association provide online star naming/messages services.

• Commercial Star Registries

In the UK you can get a certificate in memory of your baby if you loss was before 24 weeks and this service is completely free. 

You can only request a certificate if all the following apply:

• You've lost a baby before 24 weeks

• You are the baby's parent or surrogate

• Atleast 16 years old

• You live in England

Currently those under 16 cannot apply for one but hopefully this changes in the future as for those of you who have had a teenage pregnancy/baby loss still deserve to be recognised as your loss is just as important and meaningful.